Parallel Lives & Things People Don’t Talk About

I’ve been friends with this woman for going on twenty years. It’s impossible not to notice our live run parallel to each other in many ways and on many levels.    We constantly call each other to talk about something that is happening in our lives. The other says, “Me too!”

Often when someone says that to you, they’re trying to redirect attention to themselves but in this case, we have legitimate shared experiences. If I start the conversation, recalling an event, she will answer it with the similar, more like same event.  Generally, there is no appreciable difference in our day to day life.  We both tend to have inexplicable things happen to us so it’s very weird.

We do have planets in common, but there are plenty of differences. It’s not enough to account for the matchy-matchy.

I wanted her to read the, Shack Man story.  She loves to read and she really reads.  She feels the words, she absorbs them and she give me honest feedback as well. She’s a Capricorn with integrity!

I told her I was hoping to understand this period in my life by writing about it. I specifically told her, I thought it was important for her to read, though I didn’t know why.  This is aside from wanting her feedback.

It’s taken her some time to read it.  She called me yesterday, with horror in her voice. She sounded wrecked and I should have known it! She’s had a similar but different experience. I’m going to tell you about it, with her permission.  I think women like us, and people who know women like us, have children or cousins or nieces or whatever, should have awareness of this.  No one talks about it!

My friend is from South America. She met her husband when she was twenty-one. Waspy. They fell in love, though his parents did not approve. She quickly had three children… with the disapproving parents in the background. She and her husband were very compatible, but haunted by this. The father loomed over all!

Her husband became very successful, professionally and also via investing in real estate. He built an empire.

The father convinced her husband to divorce her.  She was hurt and bewildered, though she knew what was driving him.  Her attorney told her to go for his money, but she deferred.  The attorney fired her for this, but she was not after money! She left the marriage empty handed, outside of retaining half-ownership of the family home, where she was able to continue living will some of her young adult children.

Thing is, she and her husband never really separated.  They saw each other constantly. We met during this period. They talked, pretty daily and traveled together. She called me many times, riding in the car with him on various road trips.  She always sounded like she was sixteen years old, on a hot date!

Point being, they did not see each other due to the kids, who were all grown anyway.  He just couldn’t do without her. She was a married, unmarried woman like this for years.  I mean, they talked, daily and saw each other all the time.  She’d never been in another serious relationship in her life!

“Why don’t you get remarried?”

“I don’t know, Elsa. I just don’t know.  I’d like to…”

In 2008, my friend’s (ex) husband got wiped out.  He lost everything and then some. Debt. They continue to talk and run together, for years.

Then one day he calls her, as usual, and tells her they should get back together. She agrees, telling him they should have never divorced, which was obvious to any onlooker.

He then, on his very day, had a massive heart attack, while driving on the freeway.  He died instantly.

From that moment on, the father set aside the grandchildren; her children. When he died, he left all this money to his maid.  This is all because he married a non-white… but this interesting.

My friend is blonde.  Apparently, her husband thought she could “pass” so to speak.  But she could not pass, because culturally, she was different. Warm. Friendly, open, passionate, laughing, loud!

This is your second cautionary tale.  It’s probably best, you think carefully before marrying into a family that doesn’t want you in their family. It can be brutal! And to the men who make these choices… also brutal.

As for my friend and I, our hearts remain supple; full of love that burns.